Words to love and eventually marry

When writing was a hobby (H for Hobby story!) that led me to "the one"

I know what you’re thinking. I can hear your thoughts as you read the title of this HOP story. I can feel the groan and maybe the eye roll. Yes, it’s cheesy enough to clear a room, but “if it ships, it fits.” Hear me out.

I was finishing up Graduate School, questioning my life choices, and living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in a slightly shady area of Houston, Texas (I don’t mean the trees). I had a much older boyfriend, and I hadn’t decided “when” it would be time for him to meet my parents.

My mom and I were very close, and she often asked me to lunch and such when she was working nearby. At some point, she mentioned that she wanted to go to a writer’s conference in Houston. When she asked if I wanted to tag along, I almost said no.

While I was an avid reader and had been working on writing a fantasy novel in my free time, I didn’t think a conference would make any difference. But I could tell she wanted to go and didn’t want to go alone. My mom has always been a kind soul, and I realized I owed it to her. It’s funny now. I went because I felt like I should, but it was the best decision of my entire life.

The conference was held at some large convention center or other. There were multiple rooms with various presentations and speeches. I clutched my stapled-together first chapter and hoped for the best when we entered one of these rooms.

My eyes darted to a young man with dark brown eyes and a presence about him that I couldn’t put into words. He was sitting next to a red-haired woman, talking and joking. Although I was curious about this man, he and his lady friend were clearly an item. I, of course, reminded myself that I was also “taken,” and I tried to play it cool when my mom walked right over and sat near them, motioning for me to join her.

I tried not to keep looking at him, honestly! But he was just so different. From the way he laughed to the dragon ring on his finger, I was enthralled. I didn’t know this at the time, but his name was Jon, and the attraction was mutual.

No, this isn’t a crappy TV Drama. We did NOT meet up in the bathroom and instantly jump each other. Goodness, have some respect for me, people. I DO have class.

What happened next was far cuter. Jon’s “lady” was his best friend from college, and she was also a talented writer. Her name was Lori. Lori was happily married, and her relationship with Jon was entirely platonic. I had been about as wrong as Ken from The Masked Singer when Nick Cannon frequently tells him to “Sit down!” after a terrible guess.

Lori could tell that Jon was interested in me, and she encouraged him to start up a conversation. It didn’t happen. Although we took more than one of the same sessions together and even participated in the sessions’ writing activities, we didn’t have a casual conversation.

Lunchtime rolled around, and Lori took things into her own hands. My mom and I were sitting at a lunch table, and Lori took a sharp turn toward us and asked if she and Jon could join our table. I remember seeing Jon looking a little nervous. When Lori sat down, she left the seat next to me open. I think even my mom noticed this. I certainly did.

Jon, however, missed it. He sat on the other side of Lori, re-confirming my thought that they were together. I have no idea what Lori was thinking at the time, and I’ve never thought to ask her, but my guess is it was something like, “Seriously???" Take a hint!”

Lori sparked a conversation with us, and we had a nice lunch. About halfway through, she mentioned her husband and her children. I was so confused, but didn’t want to ask for details because it wasn’t any of my damn business.

Toward the end of the lunch, Jon mentioned that he was still working on his book. He coughed up the courage to ask if I’d like to read what he had so far and that he would do the same with mine. We swapped email addresses.

Not long after the conference, we sent each other a chapter of our writing. We agreed to meet up and exchange thoughts and feedback. My current man at the time knew and even supported this, because he had never been super interested in books or writing. Honestly, that should have been my first clue that maybe we weren’t meant for each other since none of our hobbies or interests matched.

Don’t get me wrong. I do not think that you and your partner should have every hobby and interest in common. However. You need to be willing to find shared interests so you can strengthen your relationship while also exploring new things together.

He worked a lot, and we did watch TV together and whatnot, but that was it. While we had a deep respect and love for each other, there was no desire to deepen the relationship. Intellectual conversations rarely happened. I don’t blame him or me for this, it was just part of life and learning.

Jon was different. From our first book editing session, we clicked as friends. Our conversations danced and flowed from books to movies to future goals. I loved the way he wrote because I didn’t always understand every moment- unless he, as a writer, wanted me to understand. It was truly a journey- both his book and getting to know him.

I had NO idea that we were setting a solid, beautiful foundation for our relationship. I thought we were just meeting every few weeks to better ourselves as writers.

Jon was falling in love with me. He’s admitted this to me now, and looking back, I see it. It took me a few months to realize I was also head over heels. For someone usually pretty quick on the uptake, it was quite the shock when it hit me. I had all the feels. Guilt. Excitement. Anxiety. Pure Joy.

I asked Jon if we could be more than just friends and fantasy book editors if I broke it off with my boyfriend. He tried to hide his excitement because he knew me by then. He knew how hard it would be for me to end a relationship with someone who hadn’t done anything wrong. But the spark in his eyes gave me that little bit of promise and hope I needed.

The next day, I did it. It was about as rough as I’d imagined it would be. But I’ll say this about my ex. He was a real man. He “got it.” There was no screaming, no accusations. Just sadness and understanding.

Not that long after, my ex moved and let me know that he had met someone. I was very happy for him, but we didn’t contact each other again. My concentration was now on Jon and our future.

Jon and I went on several dates, almost pretending like the meetups to talk about our books hadn’t been dates-in-disguise. During our “real” dates, we discovered how much we liked going to Dave & Buster’s together. We drank, we played games, and we did random crazy things like get a giant gummy bear from the “Winner’s Circle” for far too many tickets, eat the head, and then bury the rest under the bushes. Yes, we were crazy. But it was OUR crazy, and it was marvelous.

After only two months of officially being together, Jon casually moved into my tiny apartment, and he hasn’t left my side since. Eventually, he finished writing the book that he had started before we met. We hired professional editors, but they did a crap job, so I edited it myself another three times. That’s what soul mates do for each other.

I never finished my own book (though I’ve ghostwritten over two dozen since then), but I didn’t really need that sense of accomplishment. I went to a writer’s conference with a so-so story, and I left with my other half. Over 16 years later, and we’re still here, now with a sweet daughter to add even a little more crazy to my life. I write as my job now, and I still enjoy the creative process, but I live for my little family. I’d call that a win.